The shadow

John Climacus defines fear more precisely than many modern handbooks: it is danger thought about before it has arisen, a trembling of the heart over uncertain but possible events. He calls cowardice a childish disposition in a soul grown old in vanity.

At the root of fear John sees a lack of trust. And here he is sharp: a proud soul is a slave of cowardice, because it trusts only in itself, and so it fears every noise and every shadow. All fearful people are vain, he says, though not all the brave are humble.

Whoever does not fear God is afraid even of his own shadow.

Today you recognise fear in worrying about things that have not yet happened: work, money, health, the children. In putting off important decisions for fear of mistakes or criticism. In avoiding conversations that need to be had. And in letting other people’s opinion decide what you do and say.

John says fear is not defeated all at once, just as the belly is not filled all at once, but gradually. The first step is to name it. Write down what you are afraid of, and next to each fear note whether it has happened or whether you are only afraid it will. Most will be of the second kind, and that is exactly what John calls fear: the thought of danger before the danger. Then go where fear seizes you. Do not hesitate, because whoever gives in to it a little grows old with it. Have that conversation, call that person, make that decision, step by step, and set out with a short prayer.

John also offers a measure. When the fear of people takes hold of you, ask what God thinks of it. And when you recognise in your fear the dread of looking foolish, weak or incompetent, know that this is vanity. Accept that you may be wrong, and that others will see it.

There are three traps. Courage without trust: robbers are not fearful either, so the aim is not boldness, but peace. Fear dressed as prudence, “it’s wise to wait”: tell caution apart from avoidance. And fear that comes in attacks, with a racing heart and breathlessness. Then professional help should be sought as well. It does not replace faith, but it is needed.

The sign that you have climbed: worry comes, but does not rule you. You do what must be done even when you are afraid. And when you are freed, John advises you to give thanks from the heart.

The question remains: if fear of others’ opinion is vanity, what does vanity look like when it is not afraid?

N. Ž.